Going through changes.

Journal Entry- Saturday December 16th, 2012

"I've been a tad behind on entries. I'm not writing this to catch up but instead to talk about some of the changes I've been going through. Being away from the kids, on break, and working so much construction is putting things into perspective for me. Just how vain EVERYTHING is. And with that I am feeling like such a hypocrite. There are so many things that I am in love with here and I am SO content with where God put me but I also really miss home, family, friends, and memories. But I don't miss my life before.
God has been showing me how fleeting everything is. Any kind of love or attachment that I have that isn't based on loving God, loving His people, or living an abundantly joyful life of service to bring Him glory is vain. I want to serve God here, there, anywhere. But I want to be sold out and always tell Him "Yes, Lord. Here am I; Send me!"
My entire time in Bolivia the Psalms repetition of us calling out to Christ and Him answering us has stuck out to me. I kept thinking He has put that on my heart for desperately homesick times or scary culturally confusing moments. But lately I've started to be able to see...
My call to the Lord is a call for change. I'm calling out;

I am the clay, you are the potter! Mold me!
Change my heart and make it more like You!
Rescue me from myself, my past, my sin!
Have mercy because You are gracious.
Because You see me as precious in Your sight.
Remove my own plans and desires.
Let my deepest satisfaction come from the fulfillment of Your plans for me.
Renew in me a clean heart and right spirit.
Use me, my Redeemer.
That you would shine.
Change me.
Use me.
Here am I Lord; Send me."